It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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