My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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