The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
