You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
