Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
