I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
