We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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