Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
