I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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