What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
