uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize