Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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