How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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