RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
