my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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