There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why is your signature on my underwear?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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