just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
false alarm. still invincible.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
