My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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