My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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