we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I need help removing her.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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