is your mom at the bar?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
