Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
