I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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