I wish I could teleport
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
