They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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