I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
