whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
