so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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