Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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