I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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