Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
