Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am never drinking with the goths again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
