i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
