Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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