I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
