i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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