I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
