just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
