soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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