The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
