There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
