apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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