How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
