Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
