What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
