The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Come share oat with me in your robe
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
