she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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