Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
