no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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