"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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