Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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