just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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