I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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