I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
