i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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